The Avian Crisis
by MassEffectMayhem
Summary: The mission is clear: Rescue scientists and their research from Cerberus. A simple distraction from all the death and despair going on in the universe. That Shepard and Tali discover something about Garrus he never wanted them to know is a nice side-effect.
_Author's Note:_

 _Of course, a drabble challenge about "phobias" can only inspire one thing: Humor._

* * *

"HEADS DOWN!" The alarm in Garrus' voice made Shepard and Tali dive to the floor behind the nearest pile of crates. They pressed their faces against the metal floor, their hands covered their heads. A swooshing noise cut through the air and was gone.

Nothing happened.

Shepard raised her head and glanced around. She patted Tali's shoulder, nodding at her to get up. Garrus was back on his feet.

"Now, what was that about, Vakarian?"

"False alert, thought I heard something. My bad." He stretched his neck to the right and left. His rifle was leaning over his shoulder and he walked up to the two women with slow, relaxed steps.

"I see." Shepard narrowed her eyes, fixing on the twitching mandibles. Her senses as a soldier told her that there was no immediate danger. They had knocked out the guards before they knew what had hit them. The foyer was empty except for supply creates, some of them knocked over and destroyed during the Cerberus attack, and a row of lockers belonging to the scientists Hackett had asked them to rescue. A corridor stretched before them, leading them further underground, right to the artificial biome.

She scanned corridor and room a second time - no signs of any enemies nearby, nothing hinted at a jammer.

Yet, Garrus turned his head at each noise or echo, the plates of his face moving and twitching. Something put him at unease, and as she trusted his instincts as much as her own, his lie irritated her.

"Garrus, if something's wrong here I'd like to know."

"I'm sorry, Shepard. I'm just a little… jumpy. Too much coffee this morning. Let's go." Putting on a turian smile, he strode past Shepard. Tali snorted behind her mask, nudging Garrus' back with the end of her shotgun.

"Shepard's awake and fine, says a lot about the quality of last night."

"Tali!" Shepard groaned, and decided that silence was the best strategy to drop the matter. Last thing she was in the mood for was a nervous turian and a cocky quarian getting on her nerves.

They reached the end of the corridor without further incidents, and, to Shepard's delight, in silence.

"Remember the objective," she said while Tali hacked into the door's security system. "We get inside, find the survivors, and get them and their research data out of here asap, without destroying anything. Execute any Cerberus trooper who gets in our way before they call for reinforcements. Got it?"

"Got it. Leave it to me, I'll have your back." Garrus patted his sniper rifle. Shepard raised an eyebrow, doubting it was a good sign that she didn't have to tell him to stay behind them instead of rushing towards the danger - or the adventure, how he often regarded their side missions.

"Got it," Tali confirmed, and closed her omni-tool.

The door slided open.

"This is beautiful! I wish the Flotilla had the resources for something like this!" Tali sighed in awe when she set a foot on the rich, green grass. Slowly, she turned around, her head raised towards the canopy of gigantic green leaves. Slender trees, trees with massive trunks, reached up towards the dome's ceiling. They had grown so tall and close that it didn't matter that there was no real sky.

Fruits were hanging from strong branches, and the scent of moist soil reminded Shepard of her rare visits on Earth.

"If nothing goes wrong, we'll have Professor T'Volra and Dr. Leone on board for at least a day. Maybe they have advice how to improve plant life on the Flotilla," Shepard suggested. She opened the visor of her helmet, and took a deep breath. There was nothing like unfiltered, clean air, although she could guess that it needed filters stronger than that of her helmet to create this illusion.

Suddenly, something was above them, shooting through the air with a loud squeak, followed by a yell behind them.

"Dammit! Shepard! Help!"

Shepard jumped around at Garrus' cry for help, her heart drumming inside her chest at the panic and fear. A shot thundered through the air. Leaves and small branches rained down on them.

She drew her pistol. Tali raised her shotgun, and lowered it again, doubling over with laughter.

"Vakarian! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Shepard shoved the pistol back into its holster, caught between frowning and laughing as well.

Garrus had stumbled backwards, and finally fallen to the ground. His rifle was lying uselessly next to him in the grass.

His mandibles were pushed as far from his face as possible, trembling, and his eyes were wide with fear.

A bird of the size of a seagull was sitting on his chest. Its feathers were green and red, the beak crooked and yellow. It tilted its head, and looked at Garrus with its beady, black eyes.

"The great Archangel is scared of birds! This is wonderful!" Tali put her shotgun away. Snickering, she knelt down, reaching out to pet the animal.

"How can you be scared? It's so pretty." Before she could touch it, the bird snapped at her. Contented when she withdrew her hand, it turned back at Garrus, letting out a low chirp.

"Look, Garrus, it likes you." Shaking from her giggling, she sat down on the grass herself.

Shepard had closed her visor to hide her grin. She had given up on being angry for now, the sight of Garrus lying on the ground, scared as though a Thresher Maw was sitting on top of him instead of a cooing bird made up for his irritating behavior.

"I fail to see the joke. These things are creepy. You cannot trust them." His hand groped over the ground, searching for the rifle. Finally, Shepard remembered that she cared for this man, and that at least a bit of pity was appropriate, no matter how funny this unexpected revelation was.

She walked up to him and gently shoved the feathered beast away with her foot, earning herself a not so gentle bite in the boot. But the mission was a success and the bird fluttered away with an angry shriek, and disappeared among the trees.

"And I didn't even have to slay a dragon to be the hero of the day." Grinning behind her visor, she offered Garrus a hand and pulled him up. Muttering a _thanks,_ he brushed the grass of his armor and picked up his rifle.

"It's beyond me how you can stay calm in front of a banshee, but freak out because of a bird. Don't you guys have avian roots anyway?" she couldn't help herself teasing him. Garrus refused to see the humor in this and frowned at Shepard and the still snickering Tali.

"We'll talk about that when a gorilla tries to land on _your_ shoulder. Let's find these scientists and get out of this hell."

"There, there. You got half a point. And another for thinking of the scientists. Come on, big guy. I'll protect you." She gave his arm an affectionate pat. She could safely leave any further teasing to Tali, and have her fun watching, and comforting Garrus later. Making it up to a pouting turian was something she hadn't had on her bucket list, but she'd come up with something.

"Hello? We heard a gunshot. You're from the Alliance, aren't you?" Two heads emerged from behind the shrubbery, an asari and a human woman.

"Yes. Professor T'Volra and Doctor Leone, I assume?" Shepard swallowed down a chuckle. There sat the a familiar red and green bird on the human's shoulder, nibbling at the soft down under its wing. It lifted its head, and gave a cheerful chirp. Garrus grabbed Shepard's shoulders when the birds gently fluttered its wings.

"I'm Commander Shepard. We've come to evacuate you until the sector is cleared from Cerberus units. Speaking of them, aren't there any troopers around?"

T'Volra and Leone grinned, and pulled hunting rifles from their backs.

"We aren't trained for combat and killing, Commander," the professor explained. "But our research sometimes demands a sure aim with sedative darts."

"We knocked out seven troopers and locked them up in one of the storage rooms," Leone continued. "We've also sedated five of our most important specimens. We hope to take them with us. They're the first successful clones of five species that were considered extinguished half a millennium ago."

"I think we can fit everyone and everything into the shuttle. Might be a bit cramped, but we're going to head for the Normandy right away." Shepard smiled at the delight in the faces of the scientists, asking herself if the childlike wonder and joy she also knew from Liara and Mordin were a perk that came with the profession, or a basic requirement.

"Are your specimens… birds?" a most innocent Tali asked.

"But of course!" Doctor Leone shook her head as though she couldn't believe such a naive question, and again, Shepard had to think of Mordin. "We research extinguished avian species and work at bringing them back, in a habitat natural to them. That's the point of the whole project."

"Well, if it's like that… better get your birds before they wake up." Shepard inhaled deeply when strong turian fingers dug into her shoulders, and made a mental note where her combat suit was in need of improvement.

"Right. Be right back. I hope you don't mind that little Lucie stays awake?" Leone scratched the bird's neck, and it playfully chewed at her ear. "I promise she's a docile, friendly lady."

"Well…"

"We don't mind," Tali interrupted her. "But only if I can sit in the front. I'm afraid I'm allergic to feathers."

"You heard her." Shepard shoved professionalism aside and took hold of one of Garrus' hands. The low groan behind her had her worried for a second that he might faint.

"I'll rip off your mask and cough into your face when this is over," Garrus growled as they followed the scientists back to their base.

"Worth it." Tali's voice dripped with satisfaction, and she patted Garrus' back. "Be brave, Archangel. You can do it. They're just birds. Fluffy birds, with rustling feathers, sharp beaks, and those cute little round eyes that watch every move you make before they fly over your head and land on you, holding on with their sharp claws. Swoosh!" She imitated the sound of wings and stretched her arms.

"That's it. I'm going back by foot." He turned around, but Shepard threw her arm around his waist and pulled him back.

"By foot? To the Normandy?" She smirked, shoving herself under his arm.

"Maybe he'll grow wings and fly," Tali suggested in a sly, overly friendly voice.

"Tali!" Garrus groaned, and Shepard laughed. This was an amusing flight back to look forward to, and Shepard began to calculate how many drinks it would cost her to stop Tali from mentioning this particular piece of gossip to Vega and Joker.

Or how many drinks and massages it would cost her to make Garrus forgive her for not wanting to stop Tali at all.


End file.
